We took a month off of cooking to focus exclusively on eating and stuffing our fat faces! But now the holidays are over and we’re going to do you losers a favor and eat way healthy to get you on the Spring/Summer thong track! Meals starting soon!

April’s weight loss New Years Resolution is to make a sex tape that won’t make viewers want to hurl. Every time I take my shirt off in front of April she continues to throw one of her bras at me and says “no will even know your wearing it!”. Needless to say we need to get in shape! So from now on we’re listening to the “Thong Song” while we make amazing dishes…

…Regurgitation song has yet to be decided on. Please feel free to give suggestions.

Pickle Stuffed Mexican Beef Curtains

A couple weeks ago April decided we should make a mold of her ladybug. After I vomited and collected myself we were inspired to make a spicy beef dish.

Pickle Stuffed Mexican Beef Curtains w/ Chipotle Cream

1 Lb beef
1 package of corn tortilla
1 bag of Cheddar cheese
3 cloves of garlic
A big’ol pinch of cumin
5 nice sized rock hard sour pickles, slice
A big’ol pinch of oregano
3 Tomatoes
Lil bit olive oil

Chipotle Cream

1 cup of sour cream
1 small can of chipotle peppers in adobo
Juice of 1 lime
1 Tbsp honey or agave

Directions

1. Brown garlic, cumin and oregano in olive oil

2. Add meat, brown with a shit ton of salt

3. In a separate pan warm tortillas until pliable

4. Turn on broiler

5. Stuff tacos with meat mixture and brush with olive oil

6. Put under boiler in middle rack for 5 minutes

After the curtains are stuffed and under a little heat begin your chipotle cream sauce.

7. Chop up chipotle peppers

8. In a small mixing bowl add sour cream, agave/honey, cumin and chipotle peppers

9. Mix it up a bit color should be pinkish

10. Remove tacos from oven. Flip and stuff with cheese. Cook another 3 minutes.

11. Remove tacos from oven, careful these bitches are hot! Stuff with pickles and tomatoes and top with a little spicy cream and mow down and jizz a little

Best of the “B’s”, Part 2: An Nhāu (Billyburg) Yes, we love our PHOking PHO. It’s the perfect time of the year and it’s delicious. Actually I don’t know why we’re writing about this place, it’s not that spectacular, but they had a $6.95 lunch special (AKA appetizer for these fatties) so whatevs. This mediocre lunch special comes with soup, salad, and a spring roll. You get to choose from a rice or vermicelli noodle entree. I ordered the pork/rice special and April ordered the curry chicken. Our soup was flavorful (broth from their PHO) it was so delicious April mentioned wanting to use it as part of her daily cleansing regiment, and hopes to birth her first Norwegian baby in it. My pork dish was amazing and April’s curry chicken had a savory after taste that left us wanting more, and since the portion sizes were for elementary students, we had to order more. We decided to split a Bánh Mi pork sandwich for dessert. This gave us the energy our bodies needed to bike home, without it we probably wouldn’t have made it the 1/2 mile. Service: F (Pretty sure our server hated us, perhaps it was because she doesn’t approve of interracial relationships. Not sure why she thought we were in a relationship though, perhaps it was because April was giving me an HJ under the table throughout the meal. Food: B (it was really good, we just needed more!!) Ambiance: B (Playing all of our favorites via Pandora) $$$: C- should have been cheaper (portion size) All in all this place is really good and I’m sure we will return. There is a store front thingy that you can just pick up a sandwich right next to the main restaurant. Next time we will probably pick up our banh mi here and take them to a park where public displays of affection are more socially acceptable.

Margherita Pizza

Feeling Fat? Feeling Lazy? Feeling Fat and Lazy? Then easy breeze beautiful Margherita Pizza is the way to go. We were starving here at the SFF and decided to say “Fuck Delivery we’re putting our DiGigorno hats.”

Margherita Pizza

1 ball pizza dough
3 roma tomatoes, diced
3 cloves garlic, crushed
1 ball mozzarella, sliced
Basil, julienned
A lil olive oil
A lil salt and pepper

Preheat oven to 550

Directions

1. Spread dough out in some sort of 2 dimensional shape

2. Brush dough with olive oil

3. Spread garlic onto the dough

4. Cover dough with mozzarella slices

5. Pop that baby in the oven for about 5 minutes

6. Remove pizza and spread diced tomatoes in an even fashion, cook for an additional 5 minutes

7. Remove from over top with basil, salt and pepper

Super Moist Gluten Free AND Vegan Banana Bread Mini Muffins Ingredients 2 cups gluten free flour (We use bobs red mill garbanzo & fava flour) 1/2 teaspoon baking soda 1 teaspoon cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon allspice 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup Earth Balance Butter 1/4 cup coconut oil 1/2 cup brown sugar 1/4 cup plus 2 tbsp agave syrup 3 very ripe bananas, mashed well 1/4 cup vanilla soy milk, mixed with 1 teaspoon apple cider vinegar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1/2 bag vegan chocolate chips (trader Joe’s brand is vegan!) Directions 1. Preheat oven to 350 F. Spray a mini muffin pan with non stick cooking spray, or lightly coat with canola oil. 2. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt and spices. 3. Cream together the Earth Balance, Coconut oil, and brown sugar and agave, Add bananas, soy milk and vanilla. 4. Add the wet ingredients to the dry. Mix well. Pour batter into pan. Bake for 20 minutes. Let cool at least 10 minutes before attempting to remove the mini muffs from the pan.

Smoked Gouda Mac-N-Chesse with Andouille Sausage And Billy Boy’s Badass Brussies

Mac-N-Cheese
1 pound macaroni (our favorite is cavatappi (long corkscrews) 
1 tsp table salt
5 tbsp unsalted butter
5 tbsp all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoons smokey paprika
1/4 teaspoon cayenne pepper
6 cups milk
8 ounces smoked gouda , shredded (2 cups)
8 ounces sharp cheddar cheese , shredded (2 cups)
1 pound andouille sausage 

1. Cook and drain the pasta

2. Melt butter over medium-high heat in a heavy bottomed pot. Once butter starts to foam whisk in flour, smoked paprika, and cayenne. Whisk everything for about 2 minutes before gradually whisking in milk.  Whisk constantly until thickened, about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to low and whisk in cheeses and 1 teaspoon salt until cheeses are fully melted. Add pasta and cook over medium-low heat, stirring constantly, about 6 minutes.

3. Cut sausage up into small chunks and sauté in olive oil.  Brown sausage for about 5 minutes, then add to pasta.

4.  Pour mixture into a baking dish and broil until goldeny delicious, about 5 minutes.

Easy peasy!! 

If you want to get extra super fancy add a drizzle of truffle oil over the pasta at the end.

Brussies

1 Pound Brussels sprouts, ends removed and cut in half

5 Strips Bacon

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1 tbsp dijon mustard

2 tbs brown sugar

1. Heat oven to 400 degrees.  Put bacon on a cookie sheet and cook for 15 mins (or until crispy).  

2. While bacon is cooking put balsamic, dijon, and brown sugar in a sauce pan and bring to a boil, whisking often.  Once boiling reduce heat to low and let simmer while everything else cooks.

3. Remove bacon from cookie sheet and put sprouts on same sheet in bacon grease. Put back in oven for 20 minutes. 

4. Chop up bacon.  Put brussels sprouts and bacon in serving dish and drizzle with balsamic reduction! 

Voila!

SugarFactoryFatties’ Vegetarian Black Bean Chili

1 yellow onion
A few drizzles olive oil
2 cloves garlic
Large pinch cumin
Fuck ton of salt
3 Tomatoes (or a can)
2 chipotle peppers (can be omitted)
1 can black beans 

DIRECTIONS

1. Heat oil, dice onion and Sauté. Add chopped garlic, salt, cumin after 2 minutes. 

2. Chop Tomatoes and add. 

3. Chop chipotles and add.

4. Open can of black beans and add (you can also add kidney beans for extra beanage). Cook everything together for about 5 minutes on medium heat. 

5. Shove in your gullet.

Fun toppings:

Fried corn tortilla strips
Jalapeños
Sour cream
Cheddar cheese
Scallions
Avocado
Cholula

April:

April’s lifestyle is very similar to that of an elderly dog. She passes the time eating, sleeping, and once in a while musters up the strength to hump a random in the park. Luckily for April, she is not a dog and doesn’t have to eat the same meal off the floor twice a day, although this wouldn’t be too out of character for her. Also unlike a dog, she has opposable thumbs which she often burns while cooking up delicious meals.

The Other Fatty

Billy:

Billy likes his food like he likes sex, spicy, savory and exciting. Most of the time you can find him barking at babes or getting his hands dirty in the kitchen. Billy adds a bit of monos and excitement to every dish. His journey with food has had many ups and downs, burning, butchering and still having a majority if his dishes turn out delectable.

Together we are the SugarFactoryFatties, we hope to make you hungry, get you in the kitchen, and hopefully inspire your inner Fatty.

Best of the “Bs”

Honoring those that didn’t quite make the cut…

Part 1: Pho Grand

This place is PHOking PHOnomenal!  We start off with 28F, Crab Wonton, shit is B-A-N-A-N-A-S (which is likely to play over the Z100 radio blaring in the background). After mowing through those fried morsels we like to move onto the #9, The Whitemans Pho (this has no weird eyeballs or tendon), as well as the #17 (for those who want to avoid “B” meat altogether).  Another PHObulous (reaching, we know) dish is the side of Porkchop, 28A (let your Fatty Flag Fly, mutha fuckas!!!).  For quick evacuation of all aforementioned dishes, order the Vietnamese coffee with condensed milk (Hot or Iced).

Service: B

Food: B

Ambiance: B

$$$: B Cheap!!

(Bs are As here at the Fat Factory!!!)

“B” Rated 

Fatties don’t just cook we judge…. a lot. Best of the “B” is dedicated to honoring our favorite restaurants in NYC that wear that shameful badge of “B”.  Heres to you you Filthy Fucks!